I am somewhat shocked at myself to be honest. I’ve known I should start journaling or I suppose, blog, for quite some time, but I’ve delayed. I fear. I fear the unknown hurts that I might uncover, I fear what I might become if I actually love myself, I fear that I may never find the love I am seeking, I fear that I will tumble into a downward spiral of self-pity and depression, I fear what others will think. I fear rejection.
I tend not to share these fears with many people, because they might reject me, and that is what I fear the most. I just want to be liked. I want it to be easy. I don’t want to be normal, I want to be me. I want to be silly, goofy, and weird. I want to be awkward with my words and yet still understood. But what if people can’t understand that about me, what if they reject me. Then who will I be? Will I cease to be Kim?
Well, I guess that’s why I’m here. It’s time to face my fears. It’s time to find out why I am loveable. It’s time to find out if I can be accepted and be myself. It’s time to seek God and allow Him to drive me down this path called life. It’s time to give up control and accept the fact that I am not perfect, but for reasons I do not understand, I am loved.